"..I came to complain to you about my wife, I am the most lowly and disliked of things to her.”

Reference: Tahdheeb al Kamaal by Al Hafidh al Mizzee

Al Hafidh al Mizzi states in Tahdeeb al Kamaal: 11/194:

Yahya ibn Yayha an Naysaboori said:

I was with Sufyan ibn ‘Uyaynah when a man approached him and said:

“O Abu Muhammad, I came to complain to you about my wife, I am the most lowly and disliked of things to her.”

Sufyan remained silent for a while then said: “It may be that you were only interested in her to increase yourself in honor.”

The man said: “Yes, O Abu Muhammad.”

Sufyan said: “Whoever seeks honor [by marrying a woman] will be tested with lowliness, and whoever seeks wealth [by marrying a woman] will be tested with poverty, but whoever looks for righteousness [in a woman], then Allah would combine both honor and wealth with righteousness for him in her.”
 

He then told him a story, he said: 

“We were four brothers; Muhammad, ‘Imran, Ibraheem and me. Muhammad was the oldest, ‘Imran was the youngest and I was in between.

When Muhammad wanted to get married, he was interested in lineage, so he married a woman of better lineage than him, so Allah tested him with lowliness.

‘Imran was interested in wealth, so he married a woman who was wealthier than him, so Allah tested him with poverty. They took his wealth and didn’t give him anything.

So I pondered over their affair. Ma’mar ibn Rashid traveled to us so I spoke to him about the affair and told him of their story. He reminded me of the Ahadeeth that ‘A-isha and Yahya ibn Ja’dah narrated.

As for Ja’dah’s Hadeeth; the Prophet – صلى الله عليه وسلم – said:

“A woman is married for four reasons: righteousness, lineage, wealth and beauty. Marry the one with righteousness and you will be successful.”

‘A-isha’s Hadeeth is as follows; the Prophet – صلى الله عليه وسلم – said:

“The woman with the greatest blessing is the one with the least Mahr [dowry]”

So I chose righteousness and a small dowry, following the Sunnah of the Messenger – صلى الله عليه وسلم – so Allah combined honor, wealth and righteousness for me [in my wife].” 

http://subulassalaam.com/articles/article.cfm?article_id=125

Arabic Text:

المرجع: تهذيب الكمال للحافظ المزي

في تهذيب الكمال 11/194 للحافظ الم
قال يحيى بن يحيى النيسابوري: كنت عند سفيان بن عيينة إذ جاءه رجل فقال: يا أبا محمد، أشكو إليك من فلانة – يعني امرأته – ، أنا أذل الأشياء عندها وأحقرها
فأطرق سفيان مليا، ثم رفع رأسه فقال: لعلك رغبت إليها لتزداد بذلك عزا
فقال: نعم يا أبا محمد
فقال: من ذهب إلى العز ابتلي بالذل، ومن ذهب إلى المال ابتلي بالفقر، ومن ذهب إلى الدين يجمع الله له العز والمال مع الدين. ثم أنشأ يحدثه فقال
كنا إخوة أربعة: محمد، وعمران، وإبراهيم، وأنا، فمحمد أكبرنا وعمران أصغرنا، وكنت أوسطهم، فلما أراد محمد أن يتزوج رغب في الحسب فتزوج من هي أكبر منه حسبا، فابتلاه الله بالذل؛ وعمران رغب في المال فتزوج من هي أكبر مالا منه فابتلاه الله بالفقر، أخذوا ما في يديه ولم يعطوه شيئا!، فنقبت في أمرهما، فقدم علينا معمر بن راشد فشاورته، وقصصت عليه قصة أخوي، فذكّرني حديث يحيى بن جعدة وحديث عائشة، فأما حديث يحيى بن جعدة
قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم

تنكح المرأة على أربع: دينها، وحسبها، ومالها، وجمالها، فعليك بذات الدين تربت يداك

وحديث عائشة أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال

أعظم النساء بركة أيسرهن مؤنة

فاخترت لنفسي الدين وتخفيف المهر اقتداء بسنة رسول الله – صلى الله عليه وسلم – فجمع الله لي العز والمال مع الدين)اهـ

The Honor and Self-Respect of the Salaf

The Honor and Self-Respect of the Salaf

http://www.islamicboard.com/words-wisdom/44774-honor-self-respect-salaf.html

1 – Sufyan ath-Thawri said:

“ًWere it not for the fact that it would lead to my humiliation, I would have moved to live amongst a people who do not know me.”

['Siyar A'lam an-Nubala''; 7/208]

Translator’s note: The point here is that Sufyan’s severe caution from and hatred of being in a state of humiliation and lowliness caused him to prefer to live with the people who knew him well, in order that they give him the respect he deserved, rather than live with people who would deal with him while not knowing his status.

2 – Abu Sa’id Bakr bin Munir said, in regards to al-Bukhari:

“The Amir Khalid bin Ahmad adh-Dhuhali sent to Bukhara, for Muhammad bin Isma’il al-Bukhari: “Bring to me your books ‘al-Jami’ as-Sahih’ and ‘at-Tarikh,’ so that I can learn them from you.”

So, Muhammad bin Isma’il al-Bukhari said to the messenger:

“I will not not humiliate this knowledge, nor will I carry it to the gates of the ruler. So, if you desire something from it, come and attend my lessons in my mosque, or come to my home. If this is not good enough for you, you are the ruler: you can prevent me from giving lessons, so that I can have an excuse before Allah on the Day of Resurrection, for I will not conceal this knowledge, as the Prophet said: “Whoever is asked about knowledge and conceals it, shall come on the Day of Resurrection wearing a bridle of fire.”“

And this was the reason for the friction between al-Bukhari and the ruler.”

['Hadi as-Sari' (the introduction to 'Fath al-Bari'); p. 493]

3 – A student of al-Khatib al-Baghdadi narrated:

“One day, some wealthy men entered the mosque of al-Khatib, carrying some money in his sleeve, and said to al-Khatib: “Fulan sends his greetings to you, and tells you to spend these dinars on your needs.”

al-Khatib replied: “I have no need for this money,” and straightened his face.

The man replied: “Do you pretend that you are not in need of this?” and he emptied the sleeve full of coins on al-Khatib’s carpet, saying: “This is three hundred dinars.”

al-Khatib’s face then became red with anger, and he took hold of the carpet, shook the coins off of it, and stormed out of the mosque.

I wil never forget the honor with which al-Khatib left that mosque, and the humiliation in which he left that man, sitting on the floor, collecting his scattered coins from here and there.”

['Tabaqat ash-Shafi'iyyah'; 3/14]

4 – It was narrated, regarding Shaykh Sa’id al-Halabi:

…that he would extend his feet forward while giving his lessons. One day, Ibrahim Basha (the son of Muhammad ‘Ali; the tyrant ruler of Egypt in the late 1800s who fought to suppress the da’wah of Muhammad bin ‘Abd al-Wahhab) entered upon one of his lessons, and Sa’id al-Halabi did not move his feet, or alter his sitting position. Ibrahim Basha became alarmed, but didn’t say a word.

When he left the mosque, he sent Sa’id al-Halabi a pouch filled with one thousand gold pounds, to which Sa’id al-Halabi replied: “Tell al-Basha that the one who extended his feet does not extend his hand.”

[''Uluww al-Himmah'; p. 113]

5 – It was narrated, regarding Sayyid Qutb:

…that when he was asked to issue an apology to the tyrant, ‘Abd an-Nasir, in exchange for his freedom, he replied: “I will never apologize for my work for Allah.”

And when he was asked to write a few words asking for mercy from ‘Abd an-Nasir, he replied: “Verily, the index finger that testifies to the Oneness of Allah in the prayer, refuses to write a single letter that would legitimize the rule of a tyrant.”

And he also said: “Why should I ask for his mercy? If I have been imprisoned by way of truth, I accept the ruling of truth! And if I have been imprisoned by way of falsehood, I am greater than that I seek mercy from this falsehood!”

And in one of his last meetings, one officer came close to him and asked him about the meaning of the word ‘shahid’ (martyr), to which Sayyid Qutb replied: “A martyr is one who bears witness that the Shari’ah of Allah is more valuable to him than his own life.”

['Sayyid Qutb: Min al-Milad ila al-Istishhad'; p. 61-62, 462, 474, and 481]

Even in the most intense and gutwrenching moments of his life – on his way to the hangman’s noose – this hero never ceased displaying pure honor, bravery, and self-respect, telling his executors: “ِAll of your jahiliyyah is filthy. Even your noose is filthy!”

['Sunna'at al-Hayah'; p. 60]

>The Honor and Self-Respect of the Salaf

>

The Honor and Self-Respect of the Salaf

http://www.islamicboard.com/words-wisdom/44774-honor-self-respect-salaf.html

1 – Sufyan ath-Thawri said:

“ًWere it not for the fact that it would lead to my humiliation, I would have moved to live amongst a people who do not know me.”

['Siyar A'lam an-Nubala''; 7/208]

Translator’s note: The point here is that Sufyan’s severe caution from and hatred of being in a state of humiliation and lowliness caused him to prefer to live with the people who knew him well, in order that they give him the respect he deserved, rather than live with people who would deal with him while not knowing his status.

2 – Abu Sa’id Bakr bin Munir said, in regards to al-Bukhari:

“The Amir Khalid bin Ahmad adh-Dhuhali sent to Bukhara, for Muhammad bin Isma’il al-Bukhari: “Bring to me your books ‘al-Jami’ as-Sahih’ and ‘at-Tarikh,’ so that I can learn them from you.”

So, Muhammad bin Isma’il al-Bukhari said to the messenger:

“I will not not humiliate this knowledge, nor will I carry it to the gates of the ruler. So, if you desire something from it, come and attend my lessons in my mosque, or come to my home. If this is not good enough for you, you are the ruler: you can prevent me from giving lessons, so that I can have an excuse before Allah on the Day of Resurrection, for I will not conceal this knowledge, as the Prophet said: “Whoever is asked about knowledge and conceals it, shall come on the Day of Resurrection wearing a bridle of fire.”“

And this was the reason for the friction between al-Bukhari and the ruler.”

['Hadi as-Sari' (the introduction to 'Fath al-Bari'); p. 493]

3 – A student of al-Khatib al-Baghdadi narrated:

“One day, some wealthy men entered the mosque of al-Khatib, carrying some money in his sleeve, and said to al-Khatib: “Fulan sends his greetings to you, and tells you to spend these dinars on your needs.”

al-Khatib replied: “I have no need for this money,” and straightened his face.

The man replied: “Do you pretend that you are not in need of this?” and he emptied the sleeve full of coins on al-Khatib’s carpet, saying: “This is three hundred dinars.”

al-Khatib’s face then became red with anger, and he took hold of the carpet, shook the coins off of it, and stormed out of the mosque.

I wil never forget the honor with which al-Khatib left that mosque, and the humiliation in which he left that man, sitting on the floor, collecting his scattered coins from here and there.”

['Tabaqat ash-Shafi'iyyah'; 3/14]

4 – It was narrated, regarding Shaykh Sa’id al-Halabi:

…that he would extend his feet forward while giving his lessons. One day, Ibrahim Basha (the son of Muhammad ‘Ali; the tyrant ruler of Egypt in the late 1800s who fought to suppress the da’wah of Muhammad bin ‘Abd al-Wahhab) entered upon one of his lessons, and Sa’id al-Halabi did not move his feet, or alter his sitting position. Ibrahim Basha became alarmed, but didn’t say a word.

When he left the mosque, he sent Sa’id al-Halabi a pouch filled with one thousand gold pounds, to which Sa’id al-Halabi replied: “Tell al-Basha that the one who extended his feet does not extend his hand.”

[''Uluww al-Himmah'; p. 113]

5 – It was narrated, regarding Sayyid Qutb:

…that when he was asked to issue an apology to the tyrant, ‘Abd an-Nasir, in exchange for his freedom, he replied: “I will never apologize for my work for Allah.”

And when he was asked to write a few words asking for mercy from ‘Abd an-Nasir, he replied: “Verily, the index finger that testifies to the Oneness of Allah in the prayer, refuses to write a single letter that would legitimize the rule of a tyrant.”

And he also said: “Why should I ask for his mercy? If I have been imprisoned by way of truth, I accept the ruling of truth! And if I have been imprisoned by way of falsehood, I am greater than that I seek mercy from this falsehood!”

And in one of his last meetings, one officer came close to him and asked him about the meaning of the word ‘shahid’ (martyr), to which Sayyid Qutb replied: “A martyr is one who bears witness that the Shari’ah of Allah is more valuable to him than his own life.”

['Sayyid Qutb: Min al-Milad ila al-Istishhad'; p. 61-62, 462, 474, and 481]

Even in the most intense and gutwrenching moments of his life – on his way to the hangman’s noose – this hero never ceased displaying pure honor, bravery, and self-respect, telling his executors: “ِAll of your jahiliyyah is filthy. Even your noose is filthy!”

['Sunna'at al-Hayah'; p. 60]

Ibn Taymiyyah: "The More Humble You Are Before Allah…"

http://www.ahlalhdeeth.com/vbe/showthread.php?t=508

From the words of Ibn Taymiyyah:

“…And the worshipper – the more humble, needy, and subdued he is before Allah – the closer he will be to Him, and the dearer he will be to Him, and the greater in status he will be to Him. So, the happiest of the Creation is the one who is greatest in servitude to Allah.

As for the Creation, as it is said: be in need of whoever you wish, and you will be his prisoner; be sufficient from whoever you wish, and you will be his adversary; be kind to whoever you wish, and you will be his authority…

So, the greatest in status and honor the slave is with others is when he is not in need of them in any way, shape, or form. If you are good to others while not being in need of them, you will be greater in their eyes. When you are in need of them – even if for a sip of water – your status is reduced in their eyes in accordance with what it is you need from them. And this is from the Wisdom and Mercy of Allah, in order that the Religion all be for Allah, and that nothing be associated with Him.

Because of this, when Hatim al-Asamm was asked: ‘With what can one protect himself from people?’ he answered: “That you freely give them from what you have, and that you are cold and indifferent towards what they have.” However, if you are in a position to be compensated from them, and they are also in need of something from you, and the needs of the two sides become equal, you become like two merchants, none of whom has any virtue over the other. If they are the more needy side, that is when they will become subdued.

So, with the Exalted Lord, the most generous you are to Him is when you are most in need of Him. With the Creation, the most insignificant you are to them is when you are most in need of them…”

['Majmu' al-Fatawa'; 1/67]

>Ibn Taymiyyah: "The More Humble You Are Before Allah…"

>http://www.ahlalhdeeth.com/vbe/showthread.php?t=508

From the words of Ibn Taymiyyah:

“…And the worshipper – the more humble, needy, and subdued he is before Allah – the closer he will be to Him, and the dearer he will be to Him, and the greater in status he will be to Him. So, the happiest of the Creation is the one who is greatest in servitude to Allah.

As for the Creation, as it is said: be in need of whoever you wish, and you will be his prisoner; be sufficient from whoever you wish, and you will be his adversary; be kind to whoever you wish, and you will be his authority…

So, the greatest in status and honor the slave is with others is when he is not in need of them in any way, shape, or form. If you are good to others while not being in need of them, you will be greater in their eyes. When you are in need of them – even if for a sip of water – your status is reduced in their eyes in accordance with what it is you need from them. And this is from the Wisdom and Mercy of Allah, in order that the Religion all be for Allah, and that nothing be associated with Him.

Because of this, when Hatim al-Asamm was asked: ‘With what can one protect himself from people?’ he answered: “That you freely give them from what you have, and that you are cold and indifferent towards what they have.” However, if you are in a position to be compensated from them, and they are also in need of something from you, and the needs of the two sides become equal, you become like two merchants, none of whom has any virtue over the other. If they are the more needy side, that is when they will become subdued.

So, with the Exalted Lord, the most generous you are to Him is when you are most in need of Him. With the Creation, the most insignificant you are to them is when you are most in need of them…”

['Majmu' al-Fatawa'; 1/67]